Are you spending too much money on dating girls?

A friend shared this post with me this morning: "Female, 28, Looking for Expensive Boyfriend". A number of male readers who have emailed me for advice on saving have also lamented that it is easier to save if you are a girl, since the guy has to pay for the date.

Good gracious. I don't even know where to begin. For one, STOP. Why are you spending so much money to date girls? Does your money give you any "returns" on investment?

Imagine this. You buy into a savings plan XYZ which has "potential" for returns, but you have to put in $500 every month. 3 months down the road, you still haven't seen any results, but you've already spent $1,500. Wouldn't you drop the investment?

I sure as hell would.
Grabbed this off a some random guy's blog via Google.

This is the EXACT same scenario when it comes to spending on dating. 

Most of us can think logically when it comes to our money, but when it comes to spending on dating, we seem to become naive, irrational folks. There's always that premise of "but I need to be a gentleman, then she will like me" or "if I don't pay for our date, she will have a bad impression of me, then she won't like me"

Granted, singlehood can be quite sad sometimes (for those of us who relish companionship), but get this: money cannot buy you love.

And if a girl is interested in you as well, why should you be paying for her company?

I've had 5 boyfriends and gone out on numerous dates with guys whom I didn't end up getting together with, but none of them spent a bomb on me, because I didn't make them do so. If they proposed a restaurant that was too expensive, I would suggest another venue. Every time the bill came, I would offer to split it.

  • My first date with my first boyfriend was at Fish & Co. The bill was only $50+.
  • My first date with my second boyfriend was at our university food canteen. We bought our own food.
  • Same for the third.
  • My first date with the fourth was at a mid-priced cafe. The bill was $70.
  • My first date with my fifth, whom I'm currently still with, was at a hawker centre. The bill was way lesser.
Do you start to see a trend there?

Here's a good rule of thumb for the guys - offer to pay on the first date, but wait a little longer on the second and third to see if she'll offer to pay. 

That's what I call being a smart gentleman. And If the girl doesn't offer, then she's obviously with you just for your money.

If you don't know / don't use this app, you are either:
  • lying
  • too embarrassed to admit it
  • happily attached / married and have no use for it

A lot of girls I know use this app. And when I was single and listened to them talk about how they kept getting free meals from guys they met through Tinder, I took the bait and signed up as well (why say no to a free meal?). On the first date I went out on, yes, the guy took the bill. Same for the second. It felt good! But then on the third and fourth my conscience started kicking in. Pretty soon I was going on All-Dutch dates. A few months later, I deleted the app a few months later after meeting some creepy guys. While my girlfriends were still exclaiming about the "benefits" they were getting on the app, I had enough. It just wasn't me. I didn't feel right making these guys "pay" for my company.

Remember the comment I highlighted in my previous post on How to Balance between Enjoying Life and Saving?

"Hi I am curious as to what kind of lifestyle you lead? Do you say no to friends who want to cafe hop, 
no to colleagues get together events/after dinner events? Do you even lead a life with entertainment? 
Do you happen to have a boyfriend? Do you all always meet and go hawker center to eat everytime? 
hat about branded goods?You have no wish to own any of them?" 

Yes, I have a boyfriend and he's so handsome, Gucci once got him to model for them in their magazine ad

(As you can tell, I'm still pretty rifled by this reader and her condescending comments^)

Ok, maybe my story alone doesn't show the full picture. Let's look at a few of my friends.

My JC classmate (let's call him Jack) dated a girl from our class (let's call her Jill). Jack brought Jill on many, many dates before they officially became an item. But because he kept paying for all the dates in the beginning, she developed that expectation that he would always settle the bill. Within 1.5 years of their relationship, Jack had used up his $5000 bank savings on Jill, and they started to fight a lot more because he was now telling her that he was too broke to continue paying for her. Fast forward to graduation and when Jack entered the army while Jill went to university. Jill found another guy who paid for all of her dates again, and cheated on Jack, leading eventually to their breakup. 

What did Jack get out of all this? A $5,000 loss.

Now, if he had put his $5,000 into a compounded savings plan with an annual rate of 4% a year, in the 2.5 years they were together, he would have gotten $5,400+ at the end of it. Instead, all he got was a broken heart, and an empty bank account.

Guys, if you are constantly meeting and going out with girls who expect you to pay, it is time to ditch her.

You're obviously dating the wrong girls if the only result you're getting is a slimmer wallet.

So is the fault on the girls or on the guys? Both parties are guilty, to be fair. A lot of guy readers who wrote in to me commented that I could easily save $20,000 in a year because I'm a girl. But my boyfriend doesn't always pay for our meals or dates, because I love him for who he is and not his money. In fact, just last weekend I paid for both our tickets to Legoland Malaysia. He paid for dinner. 

Guys, don't blame the girls if you're the one choosing to go after the wrong girls. 

^Whoever this unlucky guy is that she talks about, I sure hope the girl marries him, or all his "investments" into her would have been all for nothing.

See? There ARE good girls around. And no, they are not all taken. I know some girls who are incredibly sweet, would make really good wives, but are not your typical pretty. They don't have a blogshop model face. So they're the single ones. Some of the really good girls I know? They have been single their whole lives!

Is it really the girls' fault? Don't generalize just because a few girls have given the gender a bad rep! Maybe YOU should be the one looking properly again at who you choose to date.

And just for laughs.... (I really don't know what has happened to love nowadays)

 Do keep a look out for my upcoming post,

With love,
Budget Babe


  1. I guess guys will always tend to pay more, but if you look at it, there are glass ceilings in the corporate world preventing most females from earning as much as their male peers too. So sometimes it's not really a gender thing, but rather, the couple dynamics. On your last sentence, haha, I beg to differ actually. I do know of quite a few frugal ladies, but they aren't the typical girls that guys go after. In fact, some of them have been single all their lives! Just because they aren't as pretty, or are not slim, so the guys always overlook them.

    1. The glass ceilings that exist in companies are not the fault of a man you are dating, and he is in no way obligated at all to have to fork out more than you monetarily because of that. And yes, men are superficially more attracted to pretty and slim women just like women are more attracted to handsome and well-toned men. People are attracted to attractive people, and are more inclined to pursue relationships than with unattractive people.

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